I made it to 14 months...yep and you all know I was holding out for someone wonderful. Did that happen? It did momentarily. He was everything I needed at the time. Unfortunately, things didn't work out...but we won't dwell on the negative, instead let me tell you that the sex was off the hook. It's funny you sometimes forget what you are missing out on when you've gone so long without something...I was so missing out. But, it was different this time...it wasn't some random mean nothing guy...it was someone who captured my mind first and then my heart.
I have to tell you though that the first time was hard...I was drinking a little and we were in the hot tub. I knew I wanted to do it...but I had placed such a big expectation on myself to not have sex that when I did...I felt horrible. The sex part was great but the emotions that went along with it were fucking insane. I felt guilty...I felt like I had let myself down...I even cried right there in the hot tub. It was crazy...I wanted it...I cared about this person but it really messed with me for a few minutes. I got over it quickly needless to say.
I am no longer on a quest for celibacy...but I have to tell you that I am going to continue to hold out for that special someone. I deserve it...although I have to tell you tonight I could really go for some forceful, hard, hot sex....yes right about now that sounds like exactly what the doctor ordered. Call me Dr. D.